Wednesday, November 11, 2009

All in my head

Every now and then, when I don’t feel right about myself, I would carry out my personal ‘ritual’ to solve my problem. I think it is about time for me to do that again. Before writing this blog, I checked that the last time that I blogged about similar topic here in September. I guess ‘things’ have been kinda ‘managed’ since then but they ‘popped up’ again. This time, I think I need to have a more comprehensive plan to solve my problem. I need to kinda ‘reboot’ or to pump some ‘mojo’ back to my life, or whatever way to put it, I need to ‘change’! Cos, I feel like I’m being trapped inside a self-made ‘cocoon’ and I need to burst out to be a stronger and better person. Namely, I need to go through my own ‘metamorphosis’!

As a result of my reckless and laziness, things are spirally down on all fronts. As a believer of self-fulfilling prophecy, I think I’m approaching to the point that I need to stop this downward spiral and it’s time to reverse it. The ‘cocoon’ that I’m in is knitted by threads from both my work life and my personal life. Basically, my whole awake hours have to be revamped somehow. I’m not gonna go into great details on what problems I’m facing. Cos, they are not only very complicated, but also involve many people. As we all know, the web is a wild wild west, I don’t want any unnecessary or unexpected repercussion in future because of what I wrote here. Also, I don’t have all the solutions in details to talk about at this moment. However, I know that, after all the changes, I want to be a better husband, a better dad, a better son, a better employee, and a better friend respectively to my key constituents.

Unlike before when I was thinking, planning and executing my actions alone as I believed that things are all in my head, I think I’m gonna seek some external helps this time. I may not need to present the full scale of all my problems to others, I think I will seek help from others in the execution part. At least seeking their understanding of where I come from, and support me along the way. Cos, though these changes are all about fixing my problem, I just can’t take on everything and do that alone. The burden is just too heavy. If I want to succeed and want to make the effect of my solutions to stick longer, I would need help. I think that to some extents, I’ve a strong independent objective mind, but I do have my sloppy side as well. In order to get things done - really ‘done’, it is not really necessary to be ‘macho’ all the time. I’m no superman, I do need help sometimes. This time, it is the time. Seeking help doesn’t mean I’m weak, I’m still human after all. I should look at it as a way to show that I value others, they matter to me and I’m welcoming them in my life.

Of course, I’ve to bear in mind that I should ask for help only if it is really better than doing it alone. Nevertheless, I should not totally rely on others. Also, as I learned it long ago that I shouldn’t expect return on good deeds that I’ve done, but I should never forget the good deeds that I’ve received from others. Namely, I should expect ‘payback’ time down the road.

Anyway, nevermind that someone may find this blog confusing. I’m just recording it for my personal retrospective purpose in future.

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