Thursday, August 6, 2009

Match-making Services

During my monthly lunch with an old colleague who is working in the same building as mine. Besides the casual catch-up of what’s going on in our life, we do exchange ideas of whatever topic that comes up. Today, she asked me a question about how come men are unlikely to express their emotion, particularly about relationship issues….then somehow the topic of match-making or dating services come up….

Certainly, it is not something that would apply to us, as both of us are married and I believe the respective relationships are doing fine. She mentioned that she has many female friends who are still single in their 30s, and just somehow can’t settle down. I told her that they should try match-making services and said that I didn’t meet my wife back then, I would go to those services in order to find a spouse. Cos, logically speaking, it is a really a good way to find the ‘right’ one in today’s life as everybody is busy with their works with tightening social circles. Then she said that one of her friends did go to those services and end up marry in 6 months. That person was a very attractive lady that had no problem meeting men, just never the right one. I said that it is exactly the best part of those services. It helps people to screen out those just not gonna be right in spite of the fact that they may possess certain advantageous factors. Cos, a lot of very important factors will not be found out until way down in a committed relationship. If the answers are known much earlier, it would be good to know if those answers doesn’t match what’s on your mind. For example, you wouldn’t discuss some key factors like whether you want to have kid or not, living with parents after marriage or not, etc when you are in the early stage of a relationship.

If the answers to those types of questions don’t match what you want, it would be very hard for the couple to live happily together for long. When so much tangible and intangible resources have been devoted in such relationship, the pullback is gonna be painful. The worse thing is that time and youth has gone, and they are not coming back. In order to avoid of those maybe life-long regret, it is good to find them earlier! What is better than learning those answers before you meet that person, then you just pick those right factors that match yours, and what’s left are the characters, physicality, and relationship buildup. Learning those factors would help to defuse a lot of relationship-threatening ‘bombs’. Then, my friend asked me, ‘would a couple meet through such services take away the romance or destiny of relationship?’ I said ‘no’. Cos, it is still take some ‘luck’ or ‘destiny’ to get the couple together. Cos, they have to be going to the same service or sharing the same database at the same time. Also, they don’t get marry or go into relationship on the first date, they still will develop relationship, just more efficient and happy along the way, as they should have similar goal in life and they know what they are picking, provided that they didn’t lie in the first place and they don’t change their life goals afterwards. Certainly, nothing is guaranteed, but it is always better to do prevention of problems whenever possible.

Come to think of it, the concept of such modern match-making dating services is not new. It is simply better than the old traditional way of match-making between parents which took place back then and are still happening in some countries these days. The concept of those practices was considered to be old fashion and backward, however, I think they are not really bad, but they just have some shortcomings. The good part was that girls back then were usually very home-bounded with limited opportunity to meet boys. Parents had greater authority over the livelihood of their children. As such, they all wanted a better match for their children, so they would go to seek families of similar background to avoid a lot of class issues. The concept was that couples of similar backgrounds were better match than the otherwise. Actually, it wasn’t wrong in that sense. Nowadays, many couples are from similar class to some extents. Professionals usually would seek other professionals. They usually have similar level of educational background, and their area of interests would be more likely overlapped. That also applies to their life value and views on many social issues etc. With people that I aquatinted before, I do see couples like Judge-banker, professor-teacher, HR-insurer, civil servant-civil servant, financial manager-financial manager, IT-manager-financial manager. I also see couples of plumber-financial manager, marketing manager-chef, and PR expert-technician that are doing fine. Well, I think as long as things can work out, there is no rule for match-making. Nonetheless, if you ask me I’m pro or against such services, I’ve to claim the former.


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