Monday, May 4, 2009

Life talk (take 2)

Learning has always been my life-long belief. Yes, there are many hard skills that we can pick up by taking courses, reading books, following a mentor or something. However, as an adult, I found it being difficult to squeeze time to learn such hard skills, cos there are just too many interruptions that invite more urgent attention. On the other hand, I think that learning or I should say improving my soft skills is actually more important and beneficial in my daily life. I’m not trying to put down the importance of hard skills. For a person who can’t speak Spanish, I think I can hire someone that can. However, once you hire that person, to manage the needs of that person, to communicate your requirements to that person, and analyze his/her performance, etc. Those are soft skills you got to have in order to be a successful person while dealing with another person. Such people skills are just important.

I’m not living alone, so I’ve to cater others’needs. Being a mature and responsible adult, means that I can’t be too self-centered all the time. To be honest, I think it is a lifetime job to be a good husband and a good father. Well, as many books as you can read, each one has different situations, we just have to fall and rise, learning by trials and errors some times. I can learn from my dad, but he is not a good model for me. Not that he is not a good husband or father, he just has different personality and different family situation back then. So, everyday is a new learning lesson for me.

To be a good husband, I don’t know how good or bad a job I’m doing. Has my wife ever complained? That’s for sure. Has she praised me for being a good husband? That’s for sure too. So, I think that, just like most other things, I always have the room to improve. I can’t tell other people what is the guideline to be a good husband, cos most couples are unique. Some women wouldn’t mind if their husbands have a mind of their own, but some women want to have total control. Some men would find that appalling, but there are always someone who wouldn’t mind such control. So, it all depends. But one thing that I would mostly certain is that: Don’t try to change your partner. It takes years for that person to become who he/she is today. He/she is not gonna change just because you want him/her to. If you try, you will very likely fail. If you try harder, you will very likely fail harder. I’m talking about the character stuff, not habits or hobbies. When you chose to live with this person, try to understand what he/she is, and accept who he/she is. Otherwise, you are not gonna enjoy the times together when ‘that’ character bursts out.

Certainly, there are some widely acceptable moral ‘lines’ about marriage that neither men nor women should try to step across, I would say that learning to live harmoniously with someone and both can enjoy or ‘accept’ is an art, as well as skill that would take years to learn and master.

To be a good dad, that’s also very challenging. The good thing is that your kid is like a white paper, it is up to you how you wanna bring him/her up. That’s one school of thought, but my experience so far is that he/she is borned with certain personality that you can twit but not change. Like you can make the oranges of your orange tree sweeter, but you can make it to bear mangoes. We always have a thought that if I become a parent someday, we will do this this and this, but not that, that and that to my kid, based on our childhood experience from our parents. Sure, now it is time for me to do that, but..will and can I do it? Hmm…..I don’t know! Cos, time just changes. I do have beliefs on how I would bring up my kid, but would I be able to against all external influences? I’m not sure. Like, I would not want my kid to be addicted to video games. Well, it is still too learn to tell, I still have time to plan what I wanna do. For now, I can only say time would tell……same for whether I’m a good father or not.

No comments: