I don’t feel good lately. It’s not physical health related, but a mental issue. I feel like my mind is being locked up. Honestly, I don’t think I’m under any new pressure recently. There are certainly things to be taken care of. Here and there, from works, from family, etc. Some of them have timing issue and I’ve not yet got the solutions to deal of them, but they are not really problems that can’t be solved. However, somehow, I just don’t feel good.
To put that in a more graphic comparison, I feel like I’m trapped in a maze that somehow built by myself. The walls are not that high and they are actually transparent. So, I can see places outside the maze somehow, but not too clear, given there are layers of walls. I know I can break the walls down, but somehow I’m struggling in my mind of whether I should make effort to do that or simply go around them. Also, I feel like my actions are not as smooth and quick as before, somewhat like my joints and muscles are chilled, or like I’ve an invisible baggage on my back. I feel like I’m just dragging on.
Deep down inside, I know I can’t and I don’t want to give up. Not sitting down and surrender. I also know that nobody can help. Seeking help is just not feasible; I know I’m the ultimate savior of myself. There is a saying of picking up yourself where you fell. My problem is that I don’t know exactly where I fell! It is not like as if I’m in hole that my only way is to go up. I know the effort would be similar, but the direction is not as clear, seems like I just need a breakthrough or to sort things out. I don’t know for sure.
As usual, it all goes back to my mind, I am trapped in my own mind by myself. I don’t know what to do exactly, but I think I’ve reached a point where I think I’ve to do something about it. Somewhat like I know my symptoms, I know I need the cure to get better, and I just don’t know what exact that is. So frustrated! Don’t feel good! Not that I wanna cry, yell, curse someone, or just throw up, just feel like something is blocking my mind. I really want to be free….soon!