Mixed Feelings

Can't believe it is already December!

So much shit happened in the past few months. Sometimes, I don't know if it is because I'm too lazy or busy to update this blog. Be honest with you, I love my blog! I don't care if the trend of blogging will ever end, but I found blogging to be a way of self-reflection. It lets me to think and present it out in a more organized way. Yes, there are ups and downs in terms of the quality of the content. Also, forgive my grammatical mistakes and all that. I miss the older days when I've more time to blog, like 7-10 postings a month. That was the good old days. I can't believe I can squeeze few minutes to blog today. Just need to thank the BIG GUY up there!....

Just a few bullets of thoughts that I wanna share:

1. I'm really exhausted, but at work front and home front. I need to recharge, but just haven't got a groove to do that. Thank God my body is holding up, but mentally, I'm not too far away from being a zombie. Just move along with the flow and too tired to think much. Don't plan anything ahead more than a week. Almost get drown in duties and errands. Need help, but too tired to ask for......just SUCKS!

2. Love my boys, but both have issues. The older one has the character issue. Too dependent, lazy, and self-center. Need time to cultivate rather than spanking. Time? is just a rarity in my schedule. I sometimes regret for what I said or did. Tough to be a good dad! The younger one has the development issue. Take triple the effort to get a third of the result, if I'm lucky! It can't depend on me, but I'm really the one would make a bigger difference. Exhausted on scheduling, physical and mental front. But damned! his smile just melts me! The end of the day, I'm his dad! Nothing can change that! Just hanging there.....

3. I pray with my mind more than any time in last few years. Perhaps, I just feel powerless to see results that I wanna see. I even hopped into a church that I'd never been before, just kneel there for 15 minutes and prayed! I've a strange belief in terms of God or whatever you call IT. Anyway, I sometimes just need guidance and support, or moments for myself to regather my strength, mind to move on. I love science and God. They have no conflict in my head. I cherish the relationship between God and myself, don't care much about HIS mortal fans and fan clubs.

4. I love my wife, except when she has temper. Thanks for her support. To deal with my 2 boys and maids, can't do (well) without her!

5. My gadget live is bearable. My iPhone 5s helped me a lot, it entertains me and help me run my errands. My desktop at home is having problem accessing the net via wi-fi. Don't know how to fix it! My iPad serves me well. Though the iPad Air and iPad Mini with Retina is very tempting. But, after the big purchase of the top line 5s. I don't see the need to upgrade. Funny thing about my home is that, our TV in the living barely get turn on these days, I guess no more than 2 hours a week! In the old days, at least I will watch news on the tube. Now, I just rely on my phone and iPad for news. Also, TV is not good for my son, I trade TV time for reading time with my younger son. So, the home is kind quiet except for my sons' screaming or yelling every now and then.

6. My sons have homeworks, but some of them are for parents indeed! What the hell is going on these days?

7. Happy that my older son got a merit on his Grade 2 piano lesson. It costs a lot, but I've no regret! Hopefully, he will thank me when he got older....

8. I really become a simple man with simple needs and wishes. If I can have one afternoon for myself, by myself, just chill, maybe having a big glasses of fruit juice, sitting comfortably and read a book/ebook with some nice trip hop music as background. That would be a fantastic afternoon for me. How simple is that?