Monday, December 30, 2013
Overall, I don’t quite like my experience in 2013, am glad that it’s almost over. On the other hand, as I mentioned before, the numbers on the calendar doesn’t mean a thing to me unless there is actual change being made somewhere…starting from myself.
There are so many things that happened to me this year. Fews are good, most of them are so so, and some of them are pretty bad. I dug holes and I can’t get myself out easily. Certain shit happened, would those be my faults? I don’t know but I’m taking the consequence which could last years. Things are just not easy these days….
There are many things that I would like to do and should do, but I’m sometimes just helpless. I think I should do better and squeeze some times to get things done. I really need to change on many fronts: my work, finance, parenting, relationship, habits, knowledge, health, etc. Any of those things could take me a lot to make it better, let alone with such a list?!
For being a logical person myself, though I’m not a total science geek, I always proud of myself for being to look at things from a logical way and able to brush emotion away. However, this year I think I’m getting more spiritual than before. Sometimes, I even pray when I’m alone or before I need some psychological support, even for few seconds of it. We are human after all, so powerful and yet weak.
If people ask me if I’m better today than a year ago, I would definitely say ‘no’. Of course, based on the half-glass theory, I shouldn’t look that way. But, I can’t objectively say I’m better. Of course again, it is so easy to look at other’s bright sides and get envy. Or, it is so easy to pick the bad things on turf and get upset about it. That’s not logical at all, but it could be a driver to motivate myself to make things better. Turning envy and sorrow and other negative powers to do positive things is a way to go.
I’ve been staying calm for too long and become too wooden to make necessary change. It’s always much harder to motivate myself to make change. But now, I can see smoke from not too farther down, I don’t want to rush change when my ass is burned, so I better get my butt going on my schedule on a bit more planned way.
I need help for my change, or I would say I need cooperation to make my change successful. Surely, the help should come from my wife. Aiming to turn her negative powers to positive use would be a great challenge, but when it works, I will really work! It is a difficult, but worth trying.
I know what I’ve said so far are vague. This post is actually more for myself than for others. Others would be different.