Sense of Time

My birthday is coming. About the significance of birthday, I read a sarcastic remark years ago kind of saying that birthday is no big deal, it just means that you didn’t die in the past 365 days. Since we only experience death once in our life (beside the rare case of Near Death Experience - NDE), we just live day by day. So, what is the difference between ‘didn’t die in the past 365 days’ and ‘…364 days’ or ‘366 days’? Not significant, so birthday itself to me is just another day. I found that remark interesting, since I didn’t celebrate my birthday much back in my early years of life. So, I just didn’t care much about my birthday in general. Yes, my then girlfriend aka. My lovely wife now does celebrate my birthdays with cake and meals. I do enjoy them, but to me, that’s more just an occasion for some good foods. That’s all.

This year, as usual I still don’t see any significance of my birthday. However, I just have a stronger sense of time going by. Is it because of my bigger waist size? Gray hair popping up? Or just feeling less energetic than before due to lack of exercise? Maybe a combination of all above and more, I guess it is actually more about what’s inside than outside.

Yes, I do have a busy life, many errands to run, responsibilities to be fulfilled. Nevertheless, they don’t stop me from squeezing time to think. Cuz, thinking doesn’t take much time. In fact, doing self-reflection of the current ‘me’ could be quite striking to myself. How to sense the passing of time is when I realize what I’ve changed and been changed. Many things that I recalled to be important to me back then, they have become light-weighted fluffy stuff that I just don’t care much anymore. The more I look back, the more I sense how things have changed or evolved. I think that’s something I can’t teach my son or any young people, they wouldn’t get a deep sense of understanding until they are mentally old enough to take a ‘deep’ look back of themselves. It is just something must be truly learned through live experience.

I used to love listening to music and going to movies. I thought they were the cornerstones of my personal entertainment. In previous blog, I did blog about my collection habit of mp3, collecting rather than listening of music became my hobby. Recently, the hobby of collecting has been slowed down. Cuz, I realize that I spend maybe 80% of my time listening to podcasts rather than my music collection when I was listening to my iPhone. Even when I was listening to music, I do listen to ‘new music’ that I collect. However, what I would equally enjoy if not more is to listen to some familiar songs that I love. I feel that there are just not much ‘new’ things out there that I’ve never listened before. Yes, there have been some relatively new genres created in last decade or so, like nu-metal, rock-classical hybrid, etc. However, I think I’m more or less set and done with my favorite genre the most, at least for now. Exploring new is still good, but it is not something I’m dying for. I would be happy enough to enjoy what I’ve collected so far. I guess in that sense, my attitude toward music in general would be like a retired billionaire that just don’t care much about making an extra dine.

About my other favorite hobby of movies, worse than music, I just don’t have the time to enjoy movies. I used to see all kind of movies, my then view was that I got to see as many as possible regardless of quality. Cuz, I would not be able to appreciate what’s good unless I see a wide spectrum of movies in terms of genre and quality. Now, I just don’t have the time to explore the deep sea of movies anymore. I think I have been back to the state of being innocent taste wise. Just go with the flow of the movie, rather than be an expert or critic. I think I’ve seen enough of good movies to a point that if I miss some ‘good’ new movies, I don’t feel regret of missing them anymore. Cuz, my satisfaction can come from other sources, like playing with my son, reading good articles, etc. Yes, they are different, but as long as I feel good and relax, that would be enough.

These are just some examples of my change. Also, lately, I have gained a new sense of appreciation of ‘slowliness’. I would ask what the rush of doing certain things is. I think I’ve started to take note of the small things and the subtle changes that I wouldn’t notice when I used to go high speed. Slowing down is not a bad thing, cuz certain things can and should be done slowly. It is not really taking steps back, but rather taking ‘concrete’ steps forward. Quality is more important than quantity. In these days and age with the uber-development in technology, chasing the latest possible updated and acquiring the largest quantity is exhausting and becoming unrealistic. In many cases, the chase will never end no matter how you try. I began to ask “why do I need this?”, “what do they mean to me?”, “how to make use, maximize and enjoy what I already have?” Rather than keep on the never-ending pursue.

I don’t know if I was said mean anything to anyone. These are just some thoughts that I have about myself recently.