It is Complicated

I’m not talking about Meryl Streep’s movie here, but it is really how I feel right now. Whenever I reach certain milestones in the life, I often have ‘surge’ or some ‘sparks’ of feelings. Usually, they were ‘ups’ with feeling of ‘accomplishment’. However, this time, it is not exactly that. It is a mix or ‘complicated’ feeling, somewhat like as if I’m at the Narita Airport, thinking about my trip in Tokyo without ever visit Shibuya, but I am about to get on a plane to fly to Seoul. Not exactly a failure or defeat, but a sense of ‘incompleteness’ or I should do certain thing at certain time but I didn’t. It is also not exactly a regret or a ‘WHAT IF’ that give me a bitter taste in my mouth and stomach that would grind me repeatedly in future, but more being a situation of a ‘IF’ while I’m looking back with my body moving forward. The bottomline is that I’m NOT enjoying my current feeling while I’m putting something to an end and planning for the beginning of another thing.