Wallpaper

I changed my wallpaper to the above today. Well, I got this pic from Google image. Come to think of it, what kind of wallpaper a person is using could somehow tell what kind of person he/she is...at that point. Cos, wallpaper can change and many people do have different taste at different time. But, I do think that wallpaper is good subconscious way to tell what a person is thinking

Of course, I'm no expert in psychology nor art, but the above picture does tell a story.

There are many wallpaper I can choose. I don't pick showbiz idols, musicians, or altheltes, but I think I've kinda passed the stage of idolize anyone, at least not that types of people.

I could post a hot chick, but it is not appropriate for work, also it is kinda distraction and invite unwanted questions from others. The key is that I'm married, I just don't look at other women the way I used to look at them before.

I don't post cartoon, anime figures, sport cars, fighter jets, etc. They are just not my types of hobbies anymore. I do like some of them, but not something I wanna see 10 hours a day, 5 days a week.

People thinks that I should post my family or my son's pic. Well, it is natural for parents to do that. But...it is just not me. I do think about my wife and my son from time to time. I already has his pic on my mobile. The thing is I don't want to think about them when I'm busy with other stuff or at the wrong time. Also, the most important thing is that when I think about my family, they always appear to be in 'motion' mode. Like a movie clip, not a still picture. So, it doesn't work for me.

Actually, I only use 2 types of wallpaper nowadays. I could be considered to boring, but hey, I don't care what others are saying about that.

The first type is 'a piece of art' or 'picture', like a famous painting or sculpture. Cos, they are not very intrusive to my mind. Cos, it reminds me the scenary in some museums that I'd been before. Very quiet, relaxing, I could sit or lean on a chair in the middle of the room, and just look at a painting or scultpure for minutes quietly by myself. No rush on anything. Very sureal I would say.

The second type is like I'm using now, a scenic picture. I like to see scenic view of nature. Not the man-made stuff like buildings. For nature things, I prefer to see water, not rough sea but ponds or lakes. Relatively quiet or even still water. I like trees, leaves, as well in the picture. Sky is ok. Just something to get me relax. That's why animals are no no. That's what I like.

A walk in the park

I've been working under pressure lately. On the home front, there are duties. It seems like I'm not doing a good job to be in the multiple roles that I'm for different people. I'm not sure if others realize that I'm not doing the best I can or I would say at the normal level that I used to be at. I've not heard seriously complaints and hopefully no major 'balls' have been dropped. Nonetheless, I do feel that I'm about to reach a point that I can't function properly anymore. Well, it is not anything physical or medical (touchwood), it is all in my head!

However, our actions and speech are all driven from what's going on in my head. So, it really matters! As a result, I took a relative quick lunch today by myself, and took a walk in the park that need my office building. I'd been that park many times, but this time it is just me and the park. Surely, there are others there, but to me it is a nice place for me to clear my mind, to settle my thoughts and 'reboot' myself. Did it work this time? At the end of today while looking back, based on how I feel in my afternoon hours, I would say 'yes'! I'm rebooted!

I use this method many times, it just works for me. In the park, I can relax, look at 'natural' things: flowers, leaves, butterflies, birds, trees, rocks, etc. Just simple nature stuff! I laid back on a bench and feel the wind blowing and the sunshine. I needed them very much, they put my mind in still water, so I could relax. While in physical contact with nature, it helped me to reach my own 'internal' nature to put it in some kinds of balance. That 45 minutes were worth every penny of it. I don't need to talk to people, counselling by shrink, take on any chemical substances, etc. Just able to sit back and really relax. I did need that in this hectic days and stressful life....

My all-time favorite top 10 songs

If I can only bring 10 songs with me before being sent to desert or an island by myself for the rest of my life. These 10 would be it. They are not in any order. Just my all tiime favorites.

Only An Ocean Away - Sarah Brightman

Nothing Compare To You - Sinead O'Connor

Over the Rainbow - Eva Cassidy

Angel - Sarah Mclachlan

You look so fine - Garbage

One - U2

This Love - Craig Armstrong (featuring Elizabeth Fraser)

Hotel California - The Eagles

Here with Me - Dido

Road - Portishead

Life talk

Today is not my birthday, but lately I've been thinking about 'life' a lot. Many years ago, I read a 'sarcastic humor' about what birthday is all about. It is said that, as long as you didn't die in last 365 days, you will have another birthday; one year older you are, one year closer to your death. Yes, it is not something you should tell your friends on their birthdays, but....if you think about it, what I mentioned are true. Just people don't like to hear something unpleasant though they are true.

I think about life because I feel that I'm getting older, also with responsibilities that I've and the 'unclear' future that I'm facing. Sometimes, though we are (touch wood) okay to get by day by day, I can't help but think about the future.

I think 'able to think about the future' is not a given. For folks living in desperate situation, their lives are hanging on thread. Just able to stay alive is all that matter to them. For other folks, when they can't see anything better can happen in future, what's the point of thinking about it.....

So, I'm glad that I can think about my future. I think that my son has a lot to do with that. e.g. the things that I can do with him and my wife together when he grows older, some father and son talks on different topics, etc. Nothing dramatic, just simple things would already be enjoyable to me.

Recent reading of some articles and watching some TV shows about someone who are much worse off financially than us just good reminder to me that fortune is not a given. Actually, nothing is given. We need to work to keep things that we have, and sometimes, 'things' just happen that can take away what we have. So, I always have to remind myself to look at things prospectively. A lot of things are just materialistic and physical stuff, what really matter to us are all depends on how we think. In other words, it is all in our head! Unless we can't think, we can change our mind to look at same thing. We need to be adaptive, the world most likely won't fit us, so we need to morph ourselves to adapt to the changes around us. Certainly, moral values and beliefs need to be firmly in place, otherwise, we will not be happy if people that matter to us don't accept us.

Do I sound too preachy? I'm not sure, but these are what I've been thinking about lately. Just wanna share with whoever is interested....

Closet

Over the weekend, I was able to spend an hour to kinda sort out my closet. As summer is coming soon, it is about time to put winter's clothes away and leave space for summer clothes. That's what most people would do, however, it is not exactly what is happening to me.

The place that I'm living is fine, it is neither too spacey nor crowded. The only complaint that I have is the space for my closet. My wife has a closet of at least 3 times of mine. I understand that how women thinks - they never have enough clothes, or enough space for their clothes. Everytime I saw those clothes that I barely saw my wife wore but knowing that they are not cheap. Just have the feeling of money going down the drain...though that's her money, still, at the end of the day, if that leads to sort of shortage of $$$ for the family as a whole...who's gonna foot the bill?

Well, my closet is already small, but I've to put my extra bags, belts, even spare bed coversheet in it. Believe of not, I even put spare harddisks on the shelf inside my closet. So, basically, my closet only barely allow me to hang my 'work' clothes - suits, pants, and shirts. That's it. My casual clothes are stored in some plastic drawers stacking up next to our desks. With such condition, it didn't put any mood for me to really buy new clothes. Cos, the first thought is not even about the prices of the clothes, regardless how expensive or cheap they are. It is about where do I put them? I don't like to 'retire' my clothes easily. Cos, if they are fine, not torn, why should I throw them away? It is just not environmental friendly, kinda against my belief. So, that's why I don't go clothes shopping often, I've to say I've not buy any casual clothes for more than a year at least. For work clothes, yes I still spend my hard-earned money on them, cos that's what I 'need' for 5 days a week. However, for the rest, I just don't give a shit no more.

I've not thought about any change for the current critical space condition for my wardrobe. I wish things will turn better, but there are just too many other things that I would rather spend time, attention and money on. So, I just maintain the minimum to survive for that matter.

I know there are things about fashion trend. It is just not my cup of tea anymore. I don't even look hip or chic even if I spend the dole to 'catch' up. Well, it doesn't mean I totally give up, at least not on my mind forever. Just that, it is just not the time to do it. I wish I have the tool of Doreamon, which can shrink stuff and restore it when I need it. Then, I won't have such trouble....

Departure

I went to see the Oscar-winning best foreign film from Japan - Departure, with my wife. I kinda knew the story beforehand and had certain level of expectation. Namely, it is an art film and it is more than 2 hrs long. Well, the result was that this movie basically didn't disappoint me. The acting are decent, especially for the actor, playing a very typical Japanese man. THe actress was also doing a decent job. The story is heart-warming with sadness as well as humor. A very well balance that the director was able to achieve. The only surprise for me was the ending was kinda sudden, I didn't see that coming like that. I thought it should have few more minutes of wrap-up, like the birth of the main character's son or something. But, it doesn't take much away the story overall.

Yes, it is a good introduction of another aspect of Japanese culture. The respect that they pay to the death. However, in these day and age, I think more simplified verison that is 'greener' should be better be promoted. The best trick that the movie use was the stones, the so-called 'stone letter' to pass an unwritten and up-for-interpretation message. I think it is a nice way to wrap the story up. Anyway, I enjoy the film and I think it is quite a decent movie to go to.

Busy daytime + Dream

Tasks at work are so stressful that I've been exhausted mentally in last 2 weeks. With conference calls at night and other stuff. I just wanna see the end of it asap.

Home life is ok, my son continues to give me a bundle of joy. I hope he can eat more as he is a bit underweight. However, as long as he is healthy. That's all that matter.

I didn't sleep very well lately, it has more to do with quantity than quality. I still dream. Last night's dream was interesting, I saw the following things in my dream (not in particular order): In first set of my dream, I saw a polish coworker of mine, Morgan Stanley's office, a bunch of bloggers that I don't know who are working in Morgan Stanley, a French guy who like hiking, a gathering of some sort, CCTV; second set in my dream I saw Rambo, machine gun shooting popup hyperlinks on a website, Uma Thurman, an Afghan boy, twinkees, a black backpack, a mansion; the last part of my dream I saw an apartment with bunkbed, stereos and 2 guys. One of the guy sell action figures. He tried to sell a batman action figure plus another a woman figure to me for $60.....strange dream as usual!

Being Tough vs being nice

Can a person do both at the same time?

Busy

It has been very busy in the office since end of last week. It got peak yesterday, and problems stay on. I'm working hard to get them resolved. Somewhat like a fireman that are fighting multiple fire. No time to think about or work on fire safety for the moment.

On the home front, thank God, things are stable for now. Otherwise, I won't be able to have a santuary to relax and chill, to recharge and get back on the battleground everyday.

Not much else to say for now....

Latest Personal Happenings - Mar 09

1. Working out - I went to gym with my wife two nights in a row. It's nice to feel sore here and there with such long break from working out. Though the sessions last about an hour, I felt good afterwards, very rejuvenating! Hope to keep up with such habit whenever we are free in the evening.

2. My son - My son learns talking very well. He can recognize pretty much 1-10, A-Z, and pronounce 85-90% of them. I've a lot of fun playing with him. Just that, he started to have bad temper. Also, he doesn't eat well, very picky without any reason or consistency. Also, he started to dance while listening to kiddy songs. His aunt bought him a toy that play many of those kiddy songs like London Bridge is falling down, MacDonald's Farm, Itsy Bitsy Spider, etc. He would pick songs by skipping them and start dancing, turning his body, and prancing his butt...very cute!

3. Gadget - Still paying lots of attention on news about upcoming release iphone. So far, I'm sure I will buy it as soon as it is out. I think I will like it very much, beside the entertainment which actually is being fulfilling nicely by my ipod classic 5.0, I think the iphone can really help me on managing my other misc stuff in personal life much better, like making appointments, recordkeeping, planning, etc. Just can't wait to get it.

4. Reading - I start to pick up books again in spite of my tight daily routine schedule on things. I usually do my reading on subway on the way home while listening to my ipod. Cos, usually, I read free newspaper during the morning trip. I'm still reading the 'Freakanomics' by Steven D Levitt and Stephen J Dubner. I love it. I bought 2 more books lately - 'The Undercover Economist' by Tim Harford, and "The Economic Naturalist - Why Economics Explains Almost Everything" by Robert H Frank. I'm gonna take my time enjoying these books, though I can only read few pages each day.